I feel so bad. I’m not really sure why.
I… I don’t know, but I know that it must have something to do with Ryan. I want so bad to get her out of my head, especially now, but I can’t.
Ugh. Why not? I’m lost.
I know she is my Winter Dream, but deep down, I somehow know that we will spend the rest of our lives together. But that is impossible, right? I know it won’t happen, but at the same time, I know it will.
I’m not making any sense, am I? Why does this happen, why do I feel this way for her when I know that it will just hurt me in the long run? Yet, knowing that doesn’t stop it. It’s like I’m not in control. I can’t remember ever feeling this way before.
It’s like my insides jumped on a roller coaster in my own stomach. It actually feels pretty good.
But, I started this entry feeling bad?
If Ryan and I ever do become anything, which I hope not, because I know if we broke up, I wouldn’t get over it…I just need to try and forget about her.
But I don’t want to.
Will someone please tell me what is happening to me? Please? Maybe I should just stop writing in my journal. Maybe that’s the problem.
Or maybe it’s happening? What else could it be? It has to be that.
I’m falling. I hope it doesn’t break me.
20yearsagoblog 