August 11, 1993 – Wednesday – 12:04 p.m.

I just got off the phone with Jonathan.  He still goes with Vicky, but he and Kate still see each other.

I asked him if he had to choose, who would it be.  He couldn’t answer.

He just doesn’t see it.  He doesn’t see how he is missing out.  He is so mixed up in sex and who he is really in love with, if he is in love at all, that he misses out on the girl herself.

I knew this was going to happen.  I know Jonathan.  I know him more than he thinks I know him.  He is a con artist.  He is out there for himself.

But slowly, he is changing.  He is maturing and realizing that there is more to life than serving himself.

I saw all of this coming long before he did.  And it is now time for me to admit that when he and Christi liked each other in October of ’92 that I didn’t accidentally ruin it for them.  No, I did it on purpose.  I knew that Christi didn’t know what she was getting herself wrapped up in.

I cared about her a lot, I have known her a long time.  She was practically my sister.  And Jonathan would have to answer to me if I didn’t ruin it for them and he ended up hurting her.

I remember back in November when Christi and I were talking about being in love and past relationships.  After that conversation I remember whispering to myself, “Christi, Christi, you and I are so busy looking for something in other people, that we don’t even see it in each other.”

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